Beautiful, Helen. I am so sorry that your mother is not here. My mom, unfortunately, was also in the "back pain reveals metastatic medical mystery" club and died when I was 18. Your words about birth and death remind me that in her final days, as I sat beside her, she told me about two visitors in the room who I couldn't see: her mom, and Jesus. Their presence gave her comfort. When I was in my final days of pregnancy with my daughter, I followed suit and liked to picture my mom and Jesus with me, offering support and strength for labor and birth.
Sometimes I dwell on the fear of what would happen to my daughter if I die young. I have to remind myself of the merciful God who has sustained me, and the spiritual mothers who have held me and, as you write, not left me abandoned. I simply have to trust that He would do the same for her.
Thank you for writing this and for sharing the sweet photos! Praying you feel your mom with you as you get ready to welcome your newest little one.
I really appreciated this read, for both its capacious understanding of woman and of personhood ("the development of virtue in men and women in particular, but particular virtues do not belong to one gender or the other..." girl, PREACH) and its compassion for the childless/motherless. As someone experiencing infertility, I felt a real sense of renewed possibility after reading this piece. If you have a booklist for the various thinkers you mentioned, I'd love to read more deeply.
I wondered if, after the birth of my biological children, my adamant views on the goodness of spiritual motherhood might dim. The exact opposite occurred. As I've seen my falterings as mother, I'm beyond thankful for the women and men who come alongside me and my husband in parenting our children. And what an immeasurable gift to love the children of others and be invited into the vulnerable, tender place of nurturing them alongside their parents.
The Apostle John's declaration in his third epistle has long been a grounding vision as I parent and pray for my own children, and all of the children in my life. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (3 John 4).
I am reminded of a funeral I attended about six months ago for one of the church ladies of my childhood. She and her husband had no children, but the church was full - full of goddaughters, nieces and nephews, children that she taught in Sunday School who now have their own children. She helped to found the congregation and the every pastor who had served there, bar one who is disabled, returned to participate in the funeral. She had no children of the body, but the church was full of her children of the heart.
My mother died from breast cancer in 2013 at age 72 but still visits me in vivid dreams when I am ill. This is the definition of spiritual motherhood. I hope she and my father are waiting for me on the other side of the gate. My heart goes out to you, young Helen. God bless.
Beautifully put. I'm not of the faith, but I had the opportunity to ask a very prominent Rabbi about the spiritual nature of motherhood, and I appreciated his answer, as you may too: https://youtu.be/SMr0WHhSQDk?feature=shared&t=675
I have lived 30 years of my adult life with a mother-shaped hole in my soul since my parents divorced and each tried to “start over” with new spouses. Dad died soon after and Mom is a ghost to me—never acknowledging the pain and suffering she caused me and seemingly uninterested in trying. I know first hand the truth that there are plenty of biological mothers out there who are not spiritual mothers. From this place of barrenness, I see beautiful people filling the gap and providing spiritual mothering to me—that sweetness (named well by Carrie Gress), gentleness, fierce protection, and curious interest in particular lives no one else notices. I feel great joy just knowing that there are women and men who are pursuing their vocation of spiritual parenting for the sake of others. Thanks for this beautiful call to holiness, Mrs. Roy!
I was about to go on a philosophical tirade (which I think I should, sooner or later) but to put it shortly: you are right. I must say that a longtime supervisor of mine is my spiritual father. He's a man of deep culture and learning, and of profound faith and charity. His academic background is in sociology, and he has shown me that even those often ideologized disciplines can be put to good use in a Christian way. Now that he's retired, he's spending his time teaching at the University and helping Catholic family counseling clinics, which provide medical and social assistance to women and families (they are the St. Michael to Planned Parenthood's Lucifer). His example, teaching and mentorship are invaluable and I'm so grateful to him.
No essay has ever moved me so deeply. Thank you. "(S)piritual parenthood is the ultimate vocation of both sexes, made clear through God’s relationship to us as Creator."
I’m sorry for your fatigue. As one who was once in her fourth third trimester in five years (then five, six, seven, and, soon, eight), I can fully commiserate. Let me offer an overused, but truthful (and sincere) quote from another wise woman - “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Great piece Helen. Question for you -- do you have any thoughts on the interaction between biology and the spiritual feminine? How much of the feminine qualities that Stein describes are "baked into" biology? What does it mean if a man can don these qualities or if a woman lacks them?
Helen, thank you for this essay; I am moved and grateful. This past Sunday marked three Mother's Days without my own mother, and I find grief a powerful, influential presence no matter how time passes. Sending you love.
Beautiful, Helen. I am so sorry that your mother is not here. My mom, unfortunately, was also in the "back pain reveals metastatic medical mystery" club and died when I was 18. Your words about birth and death remind me that in her final days, as I sat beside her, she told me about two visitors in the room who I couldn't see: her mom, and Jesus. Their presence gave her comfort. When I was in my final days of pregnancy with my daughter, I followed suit and liked to picture my mom and Jesus with me, offering support and strength for labor and birth.
Sometimes I dwell on the fear of what would happen to my daughter if I die young. I have to remind myself of the merciful God who has sustained me, and the spiritual mothers who have held me and, as you write, not left me abandoned. I simply have to trust that He would do the same for her.
Thank you for writing this and for sharing the sweet photos! Praying you feel your mom with you as you get ready to welcome your newest little one.
❤️
I really appreciated this read, for both its capacious understanding of woman and of personhood ("the development of virtue in men and women in particular, but particular virtues do not belong to one gender or the other..." girl, PREACH) and its compassion for the childless/motherless. As someone experiencing infertility, I felt a real sense of renewed possibility after reading this piece. If you have a booklist for the various thinkers you mentioned, I'd love to read more deeply.
I will put one together, Leah, thank you!
I wondered if, after the birth of my biological children, my adamant views on the goodness of spiritual motherhood might dim. The exact opposite occurred. As I've seen my falterings as mother, I'm beyond thankful for the women and men who come alongside me and my husband in parenting our children. And what an immeasurable gift to love the children of others and be invited into the vulnerable, tender place of nurturing them alongside their parents.
The Apostle John's declaration in his third epistle has long been a grounding vision as I parent and pray for my own children, and all of the children in my life. "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (3 John 4).
May it be so.
❤️
I am reminded of a funeral I attended about six months ago for one of the church ladies of my childhood. She and her husband had no children, but the church was full - full of goddaughters, nieces and nephews, children that she taught in Sunday School who now have their own children. She helped to found the congregation and the every pastor who had served there, bar one who is disabled, returned to participate in the funeral. She had no children of the body, but the church was full of her children of the heart.
Beautiful essay, Helen, and what beautiful photos, too. You look just like her.
My mother died from breast cancer in 2013 at age 72 but still visits me in vivid dreams when I am ill. This is the definition of spiritual motherhood. I hope she and my father are waiting for me on the other side of the gate. My heart goes out to you, young Helen. God bless.
God be with you, Eric. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully put. I'm not of the faith, but I had the opportunity to ask a very prominent Rabbi about the spiritual nature of motherhood, and I appreciated his answer, as you may too: https://youtu.be/SMr0WHhSQDk?feature=shared&t=675
I have lived 30 years of my adult life with a mother-shaped hole in my soul since my parents divorced and each tried to “start over” with new spouses. Dad died soon after and Mom is a ghost to me—never acknowledging the pain and suffering she caused me and seemingly uninterested in trying. I know first hand the truth that there are plenty of biological mothers out there who are not spiritual mothers. From this place of barrenness, I see beautiful people filling the gap and providing spiritual mothering to me—that sweetness (named well by Carrie Gress), gentleness, fierce protection, and curious interest in particular lives no one else notices. I feel great joy just knowing that there are women and men who are pursuing their vocation of spiritual parenting for the sake of others. Thanks for this beautiful call to holiness, Mrs. Roy!
What an incredible tribute to your mom and to spiritual motherhood. This was beautiful and clearly comes from a depth of insight and emotion.
Thank you, Jeff!
Lovely essay. Love the family photos.
I love this one
I was about to go on a philosophical tirade (which I think I should, sooner or later) but to put it shortly: you are right. I must say that a longtime supervisor of mine is my spiritual father. He's a man of deep culture and learning, and of profound faith and charity. His academic background is in sociology, and he has shown me that even those often ideologized disciplines can be put to good use in a Christian way. Now that he's retired, he's spending his time teaching at the University and helping Catholic family counseling clinics, which provide medical and social assistance to women and families (they are the St. Michael to Planned Parenthood's Lucifer). His example, teaching and mentorship are invaluable and I'm so grateful to him.
No essay has ever moved me so deeply. Thank you. "(S)piritual parenthood is the ultimate vocation of both sexes, made clear through God’s relationship to us as Creator."
I’m sorry for your fatigue. As one who was once in her fourth third trimester in five years (then five, six, seven, and, soon, eight), I can fully commiserate. Let me offer an overused, but truthful (and sincere) quote from another wise woman - “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.”
Great piece Helen. Question for you -- do you have any thoughts on the interaction between biology and the spiritual feminine? How much of the feminine qualities that Stein describes are "baked into" biology? What does it mean if a man can don these qualities or if a woman lacks them?
Helen, thank you for this essay; I am moved and grateful. This past Sunday marked three Mother's Days without my own mother, and I find grief a powerful, influential presence no matter how time passes. Sending you love.