I could not agree more that "the work-home dichotomy itself is false." Economically productive work was integrated with child rearing until the industrial era, and now the information age gives women an incredible opportunity to re-merge the public with the domestic spheres. Yours is an amazing example of how a career CAN be integrated with the work of the home. Thank you for sharing how you manage! – Erin
Thank you for writing this and sharing so much. It was hugely comforting to read. I’ve been thinking of myself as a reluctant working mum and trying very hard not to fall into envy towards SAHMs who in my imagination spend their full week in a state of focused care giving. In fact, I actually work a fair bit less that you have outlined (2 x 6 hour blocks in a week) during which I’m blessed enough to have my mum come over and childmind. I’m going to embrace the stay at home mum who also works label going forward. I’m also excited to start quiet time training after reading. I wonder what age you started this? And if you don’t mind sharing I would love to know what movies your three year old watches. My little one is only 1 and a half but I feel so overwhelmed by trying to sieve through what’s appropriate in children’s tv that we only watch ballet videos on YouTube.
💕 I started training this at 2, when age gave up her naps. And I love Hayao Miyazaki films, mostly for their beauty and low stimulation but also because there’s no ideological crap. These scale up and down in terms of age propriety. She loves Totoro!
We also love Little Bear, early Thomas the Tank Engine, Mister Rogers, and ballet videos on YouTube 😆
Love to hear! Old Thomas the train is pure gold & sleep inducing! Sounds like our watch list too- I would add in Saint videos on YouTube for kids… can be good for a little bit older kids.
Also, I’m impressed your kiddos eat previous night dinner leftovers for lunch the next day- I always try for that but it seems to not work! I am on a pb&j, or chicken nugget rotation… for lunch
My two year old loves the old Wind in the Willows (1995) and the old Beatrix Potter, both on YouTube. Also the Julia Donaldson adaptations are great, they are on Prime (at least in the UK!)
okay, I was desperate for some low-stimulation quiet time shows I could add to my rotation, and have been taking notes. :') our boys have been loving this Wind in the Willows one, so thank you. haha
Great piece! My schedule looks a lot like this. It’s also clear that a day like this is not possible without some less than crunchy methods (ie gym childcare, some limited screen time, sleep training (?)) that conflicts with competitive mothering/unilateral trad life. Did you ever experience guilt over this and if so how did you overcome it, or is that just a natural result of having multiple young kids?
I think when I started my motherhood journey, I did suffer with an initial purity spiral. I didn’t have the social fabric that I imagine could have helped smooth over the rough edges of transition. I burned out and my health fell apart. Something had to give. Making friends in real life has made all the difference.
Helen, I came back to this piece again after some time to sit with it, and I just feel such an enormous sense of relief reading it. On the one hand I feel girlboss culture telling me my education and career so far were a waste if I ever step back, and on the other a whole lot of conservative men saying women don't need any outlet besides children, emotions, and nurturing, forget anything intellectual. It's such a relief to hear a smart woman who also feels a pull from both family and intellectual and creative endeavors.
I too am a SAHM who works in the margins of motherhood. For me it is running a small wedding coordination business. I haven’t been consistent with time blocking, although in reflection my “easier” weeks are ones where I have in fact practised some kind of time blocking. This piece has inspired me to make a more concerted effort, thank you Helen.
I have encountered the idea of time-blocking many times, but as a person with a spontaneous and fundamentally anti-routine personality it's hard enough for me to establish any kind of daily rhythm, not to speak of one with any amount of rigidity. With our toddler, I tend to just kind of either take him along for my ride or let him take me along his, and fit my part time job, housework, and any hobbies into cracks and crevices! this piece has given me a lot to think about whether I could use this method to our family's advantage.
I would love to know how you have integrated breastfeeding/bottlefeeding/pumping into this kind of structure, or if that's something your husband helps with?
I am also so curious how your youngest lets you finish up work while the oldest play outside!? I can really only work during naptime/nighttime, any attempts to work while the toddler is awake are extremely unproductive and have been since he became at all mobile.
Thank you for writing this, Helen. I’m currently expecting my first child and I’m unsure how much work I need to/want to/can squeeze in once baby arrives. I’m eager to be influenced!
My reservation about dismissing the work-home dichotomy as false is that the number of careers (and talents) conducive to this integration of homemaking and work seems, to me, extremely limited.
What you describe sounds ideal, and I know a handful of women who have found the same balance. They all are writers, podcasters, content creators, or thought leaders of some sort. So many careers, like my former one, are nonstarters for their in-person or on-demand nature.
Hopefully, my first-trimester cloud of negative emotions will clear, and I'll find my way :)
You will find your way! If you don’t mind me asking, what is your field? I have friends in nursing, speech therapy, teaching, esthetics, and athletics who have made some things work! I appreciate your reservations. Maybe it would be more useful for me to lay out how a variety of women have made things work.
I would love to hear how they make it work. I realize now that every time I listen to your podcast, I am trying to suss out how each of your impressive guests has balanced work and motherhood.
I was in corporate finance, which is all-or-nothing. I reckon another factor is how established one is before transitioning to this model. At 24, it's hard to imagine selling myself as a freelancer without putting in more full-time years.
Many years ago when I became a stay at home mom, this would have been wonderful information for me. And yes, a video format, either with illustrations from your home or a chart/graph/clock might be useful for some.
Creative moms will find a way. I wrote before dawn, and taught piano during naps (and had sibling students who would play with my kids while I taught their brother/sister).
The part about fighting resentment resonated especially. Excellent piece!
As another stay-at-home-mom-who-also-works & only just graduated from having 2 under 2, this is helpful. I've already found my days look quite a bit like this, but thinking of it more intentionally will do me good. Although I find I can only work a couple of nights a week in the evening "block" without burning out—I find I need to save that for some real leisure, like reading a novel or watching a film with my husband (I do have a few mornings a week of childcare, though I'm always nearby).
You've also convinced me that when we move next, I need to get a home with a kid-friendly backyard! Outdoor time for us means leaving our flat and going into the communal courtyard, which means leaving any work except reading.
I could not agree more that "the work-home dichotomy itself is false." Economically productive work was integrated with child rearing until the industrial era, and now the information age gives women an incredible opportunity to re-merge the public with the domestic spheres. Yours is an amazing example of how a career CAN be integrated with the work of the home. Thank you for sharing how you manage! – Erin
Thank you!
Thank you for writing this and sharing so much. It was hugely comforting to read. I’ve been thinking of myself as a reluctant working mum and trying very hard not to fall into envy towards SAHMs who in my imagination spend their full week in a state of focused care giving. In fact, I actually work a fair bit less that you have outlined (2 x 6 hour blocks in a week) during which I’m blessed enough to have my mum come over and childmind. I’m going to embrace the stay at home mum who also works label going forward. I’m also excited to start quiet time training after reading. I wonder what age you started this? And if you don’t mind sharing I would love to know what movies your three year old watches. My little one is only 1 and a half but I feel so overwhelmed by trying to sieve through what’s appropriate in children’s tv that we only watch ballet videos on YouTube.
💕 I started training this at 2, when age gave up her naps. And I love Hayao Miyazaki films, mostly for their beauty and low stimulation but also because there’s no ideological crap. These scale up and down in terms of age propriety. She loves Totoro!
We also love Little Bear, early Thomas the Tank Engine, Mister Rogers, and ballet videos on YouTube 😆
Love to hear! Old Thomas the train is pure gold & sleep inducing! Sounds like our watch list too- I would add in Saint videos on YouTube for kids… can be good for a little bit older kids.
Also, I’m impressed your kiddos eat previous night dinner leftovers for lunch the next day- I always try for that but it seems to not work! I am on a pb&j, or chicken nugget rotation… for lunch
My two year old loves the old Wind in the Willows (1995) and the old Beatrix Potter, both on YouTube. Also the Julia Donaldson adaptations are great, they are on Prime (at least in the UK!)
okay, I was desperate for some low-stimulation quiet time shows I could add to my rotation, and have been taking notes. :') our boys have been loving this Wind in the Willows one, so thank you. haha
Great piece! My schedule looks a lot like this. It’s also clear that a day like this is not possible without some less than crunchy methods (ie gym childcare, some limited screen time, sleep training (?)) that conflicts with competitive mothering/unilateral trad life. Did you ever experience guilt over this and if so how did you overcome it, or is that just a natural result of having multiple young kids?
I think when I started my motherhood journey, I did suffer with an initial purity spiral. I didn’t have the social fabric that I imagine could have helped smooth over the rough edges of transition. I burned out and my health fell apart. Something had to give. Making friends in real life has made all the difference.
This is lovely, Helen! Thanks for sharing.
Helen, I came back to this piece again after some time to sit with it, and I just feel such an enormous sense of relief reading it. On the one hand I feel girlboss culture telling me my education and career so far were a waste if I ever step back, and on the other a whole lot of conservative men saying women don't need any outlet besides children, emotions, and nurturing, forget anything intellectual. It's such a relief to hear a smart woman who also feels a pull from both family and intellectual and creative endeavors.
❤️ what a joy to read your comment, I’m so glad it was helpful to you
I too am a SAHM who works in the margins of motherhood. For me it is running a small wedding coordination business. I haven’t been consistent with time blocking, although in reflection my “easier” weeks are ones where I have in fact practised some kind of time blocking. This piece has inspired me to make a more concerted effort, thank you Helen.
I have encountered the idea of time-blocking many times, but as a person with a spontaneous and fundamentally anti-routine personality it's hard enough for me to establish any kind of daily rhythm, not to speak of one with any amount of rigidity. With our toddler, I tend to just kind of either take him along for my ride or let him take me along his, and fit my part time job, housework, and any hobbies into cracks and crevices! this piece has given me a lot to think about whether I could use this method to our family's advantage.
I would love to know how you have integrated breastfeeding/bottlefeeding/pumping into this kind of structure, or if that's something your husband helps with?
I am also so curious how your youngest lets you finish up work while the oldest play outside!? I can really only work during naptime/nighttime, any attempts to work while the toddler is awake are extremely unproductive and have been since he became at all mobile.
My kids have always been interested in independent play! This is an element of luck that helps very much
Thank you for writing this, Helen. I’m currently expecting my first child and I’m unsure how much work I need to/want to/can squeeze in once baby arrives. I’m eager to be influenced!
My reservation about dismissing the work-home dichotomy as false is that the number of careers (and talents) conducive to this integration of homemaking and work seems, to me, extremely limited.
What you describe sounds ideal, and I know a handful of women who have found the same balance. They all are writers, podcasters, content creators, or thought leaders of some sort. So many careers, like my former one, are nonstarters for their in-person or on-demand nature.
Hopefully, my first-trimester cloud of negative emotions will clear, and I'll find my way :)
You will find your way! If you don’t mind me asking, what is your field? I have friends in nursing, speech therapy, teaching, esthetics, and athletics who have made some things work! I appreciate your reservations. Maybe it would be more useful for me to lay out how a variety of women have made things work.
I would love to hear how they make it work. I realize now that every time I listen to your podcast, I am trying to suss out how each of your impressive guests has balanced work and motherhood.
I was in corporate finance, which is all-or-nothing. I reckon another factor is how established one is before transitioning to this model. At 24, it's hard to imagine selling myself as a freelancer without putting in more full-time years.
Let me keep this in my back pocket and think on it for a minute. Thanks again for your input!
Many years ago when I became a stay at home mom, this would have been wonderful information for me. And yes, a video format, either with illustrations from your home or a chart/graph/clock might be useful for some.
Creative moms will find a way. I wrote before dawn, and taught piano during naps (and had sibling students who would play with my kids while I taught their brother/sister).
The part about fighting resentment resonated especially. Excellent piece!
helen out here changing and manipulating time on these hoes
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/eoH9_wQnQ_A?
Hahaha he just like me fr
As another stay-at-home-mom-who-also-works & only just graduated from having 2 under 2, this is helpful. I've already found my days look quite a bit like this, but thinking of it more intentionally will do me good. Although I find I can only work a couple of nights a week in the evening "block" without burning out—I find I need to save that for some real leisure, like reading a novel or watching a film with my husband (I do have a few mornings a week of childcare, though I'm always nearby).
You've also convinced me that when we move next, I need to get a home with a kid-friendly backyard! Outdoor time for us means leaving our flat and going into the communal courtyard, which means leaving any work except reading.
Same here. It’s an near-ideal setup for a writer-mom.