dressing the maternal body

a deep dive on looksmaxxing in a season of fluctuation

You all seemed to like my post about time-blocking, which was very encouraging for the way it seemed to confirm my hypothesis that a demand for more practical content still exists!

So, I’m starting a series for the new or recent mom, the one I wished I could have read when I went from zero to one, and then again and again, to help share what I’ve learned the hard way–so you don’t have to! This first edition is about dressing the maternal body, in all its natural variation.

One of the initial humiliations of motherhood is that during and after having a baby, your old clothes may fit or appear extremely poorly. For me, it wasn’t just that they didn’t fall right on my body; my whole life, all my needs and purposes, had shifted. I no longer had an hour to figure out what looked best every time I needed to go somewhere. I needed to be able to move freely, but I also didn’t like to feel like a slob wearing sweats everywhere. I noticed how much it helped my productivity to get dressed, but I was frustrated and intimidated by the prospect of getting dressed, for fear of failing, looking like a clown, and wasting precious time. 

If you currently find yourself in the position of having to dress a body that no longer feels like your own, this guide is for you. I’m not sufficiently saintly to ever actually enjoy the pain of going through the hard parts of motherhood, but the grace of retrospect usually reveals that these little moments of death-to-self bring forth some previously unrealized nugget of truth. My hellish postpartum experience, for instance, prompted the discovery of everything I’m about to share. If you’re feeling discouraged about this right now, please know that there is a way through. Let me be your Beatrice!

Discovering the principles of art in the human body:

The principles of art represent how the artist uses the elements of art to create an effect and to help convey the artist's intent. The principles of art and design are balance, contrast, emphasis, movement, pattern, rhythm, and unity/variety. The use of these principles can help determine whether a painting is successful, and whether or not the painting is finished.

I think the same rules apply to fashion… and the development of personal style should probably start with these basic principles. Sartorial self-knowledge best begins, whether you’re a mom or not, with a couple basic typologies, which use the principles of art to categorize bodies: 1) seasonal color analysis (SCA) (color, contrast), 2) Kibbe body type analysis (balance, pattern, unity), and 3) Kitchener essence analysis (rhythm, movement). For a clear explanation of each system, I’ve linked my favorite resources. The rest of this guide will make more sense the more familiar you are with each.

The beauty of these systems is that they help us to view bodies, shapes, patterns, and textures objectively with the ultimate purpose of helping to develop a subjective sense of style. Every student must learn the basic principles of art and design before they can become an artist themselves. Each system, in its objectivity, is truly “body neutral” – for example, Kibbe is not “pro fat” in the lewd way that pop culture insists on undressing bigger women in the name of feminist empowerment, nor is it “pro thin” a la People Magazine 2003. Rather, the notion that every body has its unique features that can be enhanced and made more visually coherent by how we choose to dress is built into each system. No fitting square pegs into round holes here. You can recruit a professional to help or seek the message boards, especially Reddit, to crowdsource input. 

It’s not uncommon to hear someone who has been down these rabbit holes, and has given up, cite an inability to determine their type due to being “in between” one or another. The system which I’m sharing with you today aims to account for this liminality, which, at least for me, is magnified by the season of motherhood. 

I always found myself in between types, depending on a couple factors. First, regarding seasonal color analysis (SCA), coloration may change with the actual passing of seasons. During the winter, I fall into a “soft summer” palette. During warmer months, with more orange tones in my skin and hair, I become a “soft autumn.” This seasonal flexibility is true for many, no matter the depth of your skin tone. My ethnically Nigerian girlfriend experiences the same.

Kibbe typology is complicated by the fact that a mother’s body will fluctuate in shape, often dramatically, in her childbearing years. The founder of Kibbe analysis, David Kibbe, says that one’s basic type does not change with weight gain. While I respect that, I do know that pregnancy can introduce changes to the female body that mere weight gain does not – changes in the structure of your pelvis, for instance. I personally find that mommymaxxing can temporarily (or permanently) shift things in such a way that, if you were in between types to begin with, you might simply look better if you dressed in the direction of the more yin of the two. To use myself as an example again, I find myself halfway between the body types “flamboyant natural” and “soft dramatic” on the Kibbe scale. In my softer seasons, when pregnant or breastfeeding, I look my best dressing for the “soft dramatic” type, even though under more normal conditions, “flamboyant natural” suits best. (Soft dramatic is technically on the yang side of the two, but it is the most yin of the “dramatic” family, while “flamboyant natural” is the most yang of the “natural” family. So, of the two, soft dramatic ends up being a little more yin in the ways that matter. Stay with me!)

The purpose of Kitchener analysis is to describe the inherent quality that a person’s appearance gives off based on the dynamic of an individual’s face and body. This makes Kitchener the most subjective method of all, the most subject to whimsy and paradox, and the most tailorable to the individual. In my mind, Kitchener is more concerned with the face than the body. Think of an extremely tall and lanky person (yang-dominant Kibbe “dramatic” type) but with a relatively small, round, soft face and an otherworldly kind of appearance. Anya Taylor-Joy comes to mind:

ATJ is a Kibbe “dramatic” type but with a Kitchener “ethereal” essence– bodily yang, but essential yin. She therefore looks better in this kind of delicate and celestial fabric than other Kibbe “dramatics.” Most people, because most people are a confounding combination of yin and yang, cool and warm, and various personality traits, can see themselves in at least three of the Kitchener archetypes, depending. Note: though Kibbe and Kitchener use some of the same words, a Kibbe “gamine” is very much not the same as a Kitchener “gamine.” 

My method

The following method is how I synthesize, systematize, and, hopefully, simplify all the above information in order to accommodate the fluctuations of a mother’s life. As a mom I want to be able to quickly figure out how to dress my best given any circumstance. This is how:

Step one: take your deep dive into SCA, and the Kibbe and Kitchener systems. Determine your primary and secondary types (under Kitchener, choose four essences). 

Step two: along an intersecting x and y axis, plot by structure and coloration (x = Kibbe, structure, yin/yang) ● (y = SCA, temperature, cold/warm). One of your Kibbe types (the relatively more yin type) will describe your more hormonally-influenced maternal body, and the other will describe you under more normal conditions. 

Step three: Place your types where they belong on the graph. For Kibbe and SCA, this will be relatively straightforward. Your Kitchener types require a little creativity; this, especially, isn’t a straightforward quantitative determination, but a subjective one. The basic concepts along the axes are informative. For example, when you consider the characteristics of a romantic archetype, you probably imagine warmth and softness. It therefore belongs in my top right quadrant, for example. I placed my “natural” archetype in my warm, yang QII because it makes me think of springtime: warmth and growth. The remaining two of my Kitchener archetypes are subjectively “cooler,” and “dramatic” felt more masculine and yang to me than ethereal. 

What you’ll end up with is a quick, specialized reference that will help you make the best style selection according to real season, personal season, and personality. I’ve drawn up some boards to illustrate the variety of items I’d wear depending on which quadrant I happen to find myself at any particular moment in time. Quadrants are numbered using the Roman numerals I, II, III, and IV, and they are labeled starting with the upper-right quadrant and moving counterclockwise.

Now I’ll take you quadrant by quadrant to demonstrate how my choices will change depending on whichever figurative or literal season I inhabit. I’ve made some illustrations to help.

Quadrant I: SCA soft autumn, KIBBE soft dramatic, KITCHENER romantic

It is springtime or summertime, and I am either due soon or have just had a baby. The essence of this era is peak femininity and romance. This means I am opting for silhouettes with a high A-line for subtle waist emphasis – enough to create shape and support my vertical line, but not to draw attention to my diastasis recti. Necklines should have some drama and movement. Even the top right neckline, though it is a crewneck, has ruching around the neck, and the material adds some drama and interest. In “soft dramatic” mode, it is best to avoid mix-and-match type outfits. I always, always prefer a “whole look,” best achieved through a dress. We are going for sophistication and a deeply feminine sort of visual interest at the same time. I love to feel especially womanly during this phase of life, and dressing to emphasize removes the awkwardness of the postpartum phase as much as possible.

Quadrant II: SCA soft autumn, KIBBE flamboyant natural, KITCHENER natural

In Quadrant II, it is warm outside, I am fully recovered from childbirth, and feeling athletic and strong in my body again. Now, I can reintroduce mix-and-match sets into my wardrobe. I love linens and earthy materials that, in the North Carolina heat, help me stay comfortable. Loose line with subtle waist emphasis such as a French tuck suit my “flamboyant natural” frame now. It’s a slightly more masculine kind of style, but that really suits me because there is an androgyny about my face that is enhanced when I’m no longer carrying baby-related fluffiness. I LOVE a pantsuit. I go for soft but bold, sweeping lines. There is a relaxed element to my style here, but it isn’t baggy. Again, this is to accommodate the vertical line. This is not a time for shiny fabrics.

Quadrant III: SCA soft summer, KIBBE flamboyant natural, KITCHENER dramatic

In Quadrant III, it is cold outside, and I’m nowhere near childbirth. Many of the similar principles from QII apply, since I’m still a flamboyant natural here (some relatively masculine silhouettes,always sweeping and extending length through the vertical line. But I also like to introduce a bit of drama: animal prints, sequins, satin, and blazers with wide lapels and long hemlines. Colors have cooled down a bit, too: this is the perfect time for purple, burgundy, and navy.

Quadrant IV: SCA soft summer, KIBBE soft dramatic, KITCHENER ethereal

Here in Quadrant IV, I am either pregnant or postpartum, and it is the winter months. So again I am aiming for more softness and fluidity and exploring more ethereal motifs and textures. Sheerness is good for this, as well as a watercolor type of pattern. We are going for something slightly otherworldly – romantic but with an air of mystery, something beyond the veil.

Parting thoughts…

Now that you’ve made it this far, I hope that you can see that the changing maternal body is never a cause for shame. There is so much you can do with the body God has given you presently, even if it feels in between worlds, even if you don’t recognize it, and especially if you feel like it’s failing you. 

Physical strength and beauty are goods worth refining, but I don’t believe in “getting your old body back” for its own sake, and I think our culture’s insistence on a mother looking like she’s never had children has to do with our much deeper unwillingness to define womanhood or offer a positive vision of womanhood beyond the stage during which we are maximally exploitable. Louise Perry hints at this in her podcast title Maiden, Mother, Matriarch, and I wrote about it in an essay of the same name back in 2021 for The American Mind:

Obsessed by the intoxicating power of “what if,” the myth of infinite variety, the seemingly limitless potential and energy of youth, and the masculine archetype of achievement, we now see legions of menopausal women, would-be grandmas, paying doctors to stretch and staple their faces back over their bones, as if to convince themselves and the world that they are still nubile maidens, and that their societal value as such has not expired—as if to remember a time in life when she felt wanted. We see mothers achieving the prescribed 1.5 children (rounded down) but going no further, having determined it is more socially acceptable, economically wise, and professionally expedient to go back to work. The majority of employers also expect them to return to work 10-14 days postpartum. We see maidens self-immolating under the pressure of the modern lifescript and never becoming mothers at all.

Seasons are meant to pass. When we attempt to preserve artificially what naturally expires we destroy its potency and drive ourselves crazy in the process. This quest for endless leverage becomes the quiet tragedy of life for women under the current conditions: she finds herself in a state of constant misalignment. The degree to which she defies her feminine nature corresponds to her unhappiness. 

I hope this guide helps any new or not-so-new mothers develop some confidence and flexibility in how they dress themselves, and in dressing themselves well, honor the unspeakably beautiful gift of maternity.