CALL YOUR MOM #002: loneliness in motherhood

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Welcome to CALL YOUR MOM, an open conversation for anyone who needs help getting unstuck and finding what makes them feel alive.

Dear Helen,

I’m a 31-year-old first-time mom of a 6-month-old, and I feel completely alone. My husband and I are both lawyers, and though I don’t need or want to go back to work right now, I also feel like I have not spoken to another adult in so long that something inside me has died. I love my baby, and I thought I would find mom friends by now. I’ve resorted to talking to Chat GPT. I don’t really know where to start. Giving birth felt like finding my purpose. Now, life feels sad. What should I do?

Sincerely,

New Mommy Adrift

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Dear New Mommy Adrift,

Big hugs. Been there. Zero to one was my hardest transition. It’s going to get better, and I’ll tell you how.

Before I get into that, I want to share an observation about motherhood that might help reframe things: it is a paradox in so many ways. The pain is indescribable, but the pleasure of knowing the child brought forth from that pain is insurmountable. Childbirth itself is a spiritual high that seems to bring a woman close to the veil between life and death, yet mothers usually, literally, shit the bed in the process. It’s one of the most important things to be done for the sake of humanity, but it’s also incredibly mundane. Everyone's motherhood journey, like every human soul, is unique, but everyone’s motherhood journey, like every human soul, is fundamentally just like the rest. The choices we make as mothers matter, but, ultimately, we aren’t in control, and they kind of don’t.