Beyond 'Based' and 'Cringe'

to be made in the image of God is to contain multitudes

The Sorrows of Mary Magdalene, Jules Joseph Lefebvre.

Last month, after a period of customary Lenten abstinence from X, I returned, only to remember how the things that our conscience nudges us to give up temporarily are often the things we should probably give up—or at least severely curtail—anyway. The discourse continues to degenerate along a familiar path:

1. The subject of viral moment, intentionally or not, demonstrates the most coarse and unforgiving example of some familiar cultural phenomenon.

2. That Thing then becomes an avatar for observers’ personal insecurities and resentments and grudges and desperation.

3. Verbal sparring about the Thing ensues.

4. Soon enough, someone misses the piñata and hits another participant.

5. The pretense of debate fades, beef culture takes hold, and Elon Musk laughs all the way to the bank while still being able to take credit for “saving free speech.”

Somehow, the infinite scroll manages to generate profound mental lassitude while simultaneously goading extreme rage. Impotence is the real outcome, and it is a comforting blanket. We’re angry about everything while remaining responsible for nothing. Well, it happened again this week when MAGA influencer “Emily Saves America” published a TikTok video criticizing the “tradwife” movement. Here’s the full transcript of what she said:

I hate to call out my own party but the young girls on the right promoting this, like, tradwife bullshit… ‘I just want to make sourdough for my husband!’ That’s great. I’m all for it. I promote traditional values. I understand. I have been working since I was very young. I don’t really plan on stop being working. I suggest you find a hobby that makes you money, but you guys, guess what? Guess what, baby girl? That lifestyle working out, a man, a provider, you just get to sit at home bake bread every day? Slim to none. I would say none that that’s gonna work out for you or quite literally anyone you know. You’re actually setting yourself up for failure because it could not be easier, if that’s what you’re going to pursue, to be trapped by a man, okay? Also, let’s bring some other things to the table beside sourdough. Guys want to be mentally stimulated as well as physical, okay? But I’m just like please, you guys are too young to be promoting this, and also, by the way, it’s cringe. You guys are cringe.

Fellow MAGA influencer Sarah Stock responded:

Not to pick on @emilysavesusa because I’ve been seeing a lot of girls on the right counter signaling the ‘trad’ stay at home mom lifestyle lately also, but I think this message is ridiculous. Being a SAHM is not being ‘trapped’ by a man. That’s feminist BS. It’s also not ‘impossible.’ I have multiple friends in their early twenties currently who are SAHMs. Also, my mom was, and same with most people I grew up around. You also don’t need to have a career to ‘mentally stimulate’ a man, I’m sure none of them care about that. Baking bread for your family is not ‘cringe’ it’s actually more important than any little 9-5 email job you’d be doing otherwise. I could go on, but the main point is that I’m very tired of our big conservative voices constantly echoing these feminist sentiments with no pushback.

The whole interaction went viral because, well, of course it did. It’s hard to even engage with the meat of what either said: neither speaks from experience, neither appears interested in clarifying terms or accounting for details, and both were ready to go immediately for the jugular upon the slightest pushback. Emily responded to Sarah’s critique by saying, “It’s okay it’s not picking on me when I’m far more successful in every way.” Sarah said, “I am ten years younger than you. I can almost guarantee you that I will have three kids and a sourdough starter by the time I’m your age.” Strongly held, weakly formed, and interpersonally vindictive opinions have the triple advantage of being provocative, easily criticized, and potent signifiers of in-group status. Influencers scratch three of their audience’s core itches by performing this way: defensiveness, pride, and belonging.

Regardless, predictably, two neatly distinguishable camps formed around the question of whether “trad” motherhood is BASED or CRINGE: Camp A (trad maternal domestic goddesses) versus Camp B (progressive childless girlboss feminists). Camp A identifies as pious; Camp B identifies as prudent. Camp A presents Camp B as embittered and calculating; Camp B presents Camp A as delusional and idiotic. Camp A says there’s nothing in the world more mentally stimulating than motherhood; Camp B says nothing will make you feel more lobotomized.